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Our nanny, Eve, recently shared some happy news: She and her fiancé are moving in together.

There's a financial perk, too. By combining households and sharing expenses, they're expecting to have something they haven't had much of before: extra money left over at the end of each month.

It's been a long time coming. Like a lot of people, Eve has watched rising costs eat up any extra money she's had in her budget. So for a long time, she's been making promises to herself. It's okay that she's not contributing much toward retirement right now, because she's working on getting out of debt. Once she has some breathing room, she'll make up for lost time. It's okay that the wedding fund isn't growing as quickly as she'd like, because she's been focused on rebuilding her emergency savings.

Now, that breathing room is almost here, and there's just one problem.

She's finding it awfully hard to get excited about transferring money into savings when she could be buying a beautiful new comforter. Or replacing the mismatched household items she's been making do with. Or finally purchasing some of the things she's been putting off.

And you know what? The funny thing about this is that Eve is one of the most disciplined people I know. She isn't confused about which choice is the financially responsible thing to do... She's discovering that doing the financially responsible thing is a lot harder now that she actually has a choice.

Why Having More Money Doesn't Make Saving Easier

When money is tight, it's relatively easy to make promises about what you'll do when your circumstances improve.

I'll start investing when I get a raise.

I'll build my emergency fund once the car is paid off.

I'll put every extra dollar toward debt when things loosen up.

Those promises can be comforting. They reassure us that we're not financially irresponsible; our goals are merely on hold until we can afford to pursue them. But there's something we tend to overlook: Making a promise about money you don't have doesn't require you to give anything up.

Keeping that promise when the money finally arrives does.

Suddenly, that hypothetical $500 surplus is real, and putting it into retirement savings means not spending it on something you could enjoy today. That's where lifestyle creep, also called lifestyle inflation, can sneak in. It's the tendency for spending to rise until it fills whatever money you have available, and it doesn't take a luxury car or a bigger house. Sometimes it's just a series of small, sensible upgrades that collectively consume every dollar of your new flexibility.

You have more money now, but you still have to choose what to give up.

What Should You Actually Do With Your Extra Money?

You don't have to deny yourself every little pleasure until your retirement accounts are fully funded and every goal is checked off your list. You also shouldn't abandon the promises you made to yourself just because something more exciting has come along. Here's what I'd suggest instead.

1. Revisit Your Old Promises (But Don't Blindly Follow Them)

When you were barely making ends meet, you probably had some specific ideas about what you'd do if you ever had more money. But those plans were made under different circumstances. Maybe you're now planning a wedding, starting a family, or moving into your first home. Maybe something that seemed urgent a year ago isn't as important today. It's perfectly reasonable to reconsider your goals as your life evolves, as long as you make that decision intentionally.

There's a big difference between deciding to temporarily reduce retirement contributions to pay for your upcoming wedding and never getting around to contributing because you keep finding other things to buy. You don't have to honor every promise you made when money was tight, but you should give each one a fair hearing before deciding it no longer fits your life.

2. Put Your Goals in Order

Once you know which promises still matter, rank them. Here's the order I'd start with:

First, capture any employer retirement match. If your employer matches your contributions, that's part of your pay, and skipping it means leaving money on the table. Think twice before trimming contributions below the match for any goal, including a wedding. If you don't have a retirement plan at work, there's no match to capture, and an IRA can do the job instead.

Next, pay down high-interest debt. Few investments can reliably beat the interest on a credit card balance.

Then, build a basic emergency cushion. Eve knows why better than anyone: Cars break down whether or not you've budgeted for it.

Finally, split what's left among your remaining goals. For Eve and her fiancé, that means the wedding and retirement. A wedding has a date, and retirement feels far away, so retirement tends to lose unless you give it a set amount.

This matters even more if your new surplus involves another person. Eve and her fiancé have a head start, because one reason she wanted a prenup was to force conversations about money, debt, and spending habits before they became arguments. Now they need to apply those conversations to a monthly number. They aren't married yet, so they should also decide whose money is doing what. Does his share of the surplus help pay off her debt, or does each of them handle their own until the wedding? How much does each of them contribute to the wedding fund? Retirement accounts belong to one person, even in a marriage, so where does each of them stand? They don't have to rank every goal the same way as individuals, but they should agree on a plan that reflects what matters to both of them.

3. Move the Money Before You Get Used to Having It

Whether you're single or coupled up, don't assume you'll naturally start saving more after a raise, a paid-off loan, or a drop in your expenses. Extra money sitting in your checking account is the easiest money in the world to spend.

So figure out how much you'll actually have, give those dollars specific jobs, and automate as much as you can before the first surplus arrives. It's much easier to redirect money you've never gotten used to having, and you won't have to make the same hard decision every month.

Eve has an edge here. Earlier this year, after one too many failed no-buy challenges, she set up automatic transfers to her savings. She doesn't need a new system. She needs to raise those transfers before the first month of shared expenses begins.

4. Give Yourself Permission to Enjoy Some of It

Here's where I might depart from some of the more aggressive advice about avoiding lifestyle creep: I think you should enjoy some of your extra money.

After all, what's the point of working hard, paying off debt, and getting your financial house in order if you never get to enjoy the benefits? For someone who's spent years watching every dollar, finally replacing a worn-out towel set or buying something simply because you like it can make daily life feel noticeably better.

The trick is to decide how much you're comfortable spending before you start shopping. Maybe you put $100 of that $500 surplus toward making your home nicer. Or maybe you give yourself a one-time allowance for a few things you've been wanting, then direct more of the ongoing surplus toward your goals. Eve already has a version of this: She gave herself $75 a month in no-questions fun money when she was working with much less. A bigger budget can support a bigger number, as long as the number is set in advance.

The exact amount isn't nearly as important as making sure it fits into the bigger picture. There's nothing wrong with buying a new comforter. The problem starts when the comforter, the towels, the dishes, the new furniture, and a dozen other purchases quietly consume the money you'd been counting on to build a more secure financial future.

Your Extra Money Should Make Your Life Better — Today and Tomorrow

I hope Eve and her fiancé buy that comforter, along with some other beautiful things for their new home. I also hope they make real progress on paying off debt, saving for their wedding, and building their future together. They can do both, but it will take more than a vague promise to get serious once the money shows up.

Having a choice is what made saving harder for Eve. It's also the best thing about having extra money. You don't have to spend it exactly the way you promised yourself you would. But you should decide where it's going before it disappears.